Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
