Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
