i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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