...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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