return my video game
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Can I color on your dick again?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
