I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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