rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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