Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
