Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
