why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
