Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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