You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
