so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
