How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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