Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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