Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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