I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
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No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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