then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
