omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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