I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
