they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
