I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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