but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
