You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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