i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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