we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
