also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm both gender and math confused
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