I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.