guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.