i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just wanna be euthanized
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.