I wish my penis had an off switch
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos