My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST