my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?