Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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