Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
