So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
