i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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