i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
