Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
