When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
