Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
