your thong is hanging out like whoa
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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