It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
