he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she told me i tasted like america
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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