He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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