So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
