Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
