I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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