...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
