she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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