fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
