im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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