Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
