So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
