I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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