sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
