A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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