I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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