now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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