I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
