Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
