if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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